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today for like a moment i think i left my brain and faced reality for a second... Lemmie tell ya dudes it was reall scary stuff. I have my finial exams starting in November, i need to up my grades in art, finish geography coursework, decide what school i want to go to or if i want to go to the Northwest regional College, or get a national diploma ..... Scary stuff, also how im gonna tell my mom that i wanna be an animator..... She wants me to get an office job or something boring that reeeeally doesnt interest me �_�.


hmmm in other news� the weather has really sucked latly xD but hey what do you expect ITS IRELAND XDD. Weather here isnt exactly sunshine and rainbows XD

lol thats about it for today

see ya on the flip side

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I got up after a good sleep, ran some errands, and got to my office. I ran late to interface with the guy I needed to to get the paperwork filled out, and spent the next two hours running around trying to find ways to get it done. I did it fully knowing that if I just waited until Monday it would take 15 minutes, but I like to get shit out of the way when Iapos;m thinking about it, even if it takes longer. I know that I risk forgetting if I put it aside, Do It Fucking Now...

Or not. Sometimes youapos;ve gotta just accept that timing isnapos;t right, and after flailing for a bit I returned to my office content to do it on Monday. I was going to study a bit and do some research, but I ended up getting wrapped up in the research. Turns out the area of Engineering Education is a big thing, and receiving a lot of attention recently after veritable decades of nothing, yet very little concrete work has been done. There are a lot of "we should do this" and "this needs investigation", and some preliminary results have shown efficacy for small cases...but a systematic, fundamental framework is lacking. Furthermore, the role of Computer Science and software has been fairly under-explored. People have done stuff with wikis and podcasts, but thatapos;s all Blackboard-ish content delivery...what about interactivity and content creation? There may be something here after all...now I just have to be brilliant and figure out what.

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The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when theyapos;re brought out. But itapos;s more than that, isnapos;t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what youapos;ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. Thatapos;s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear. -Steven King The Body

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I think back, on the pain
but I kept on
but I refused to lose
I wouldnapos;t give up what I believed in
to stay who I was.

Yeah, I have been having my autumn holiday. Itapos;s been quite nice - I was alone the whole week. Havenapos;t done that much to be honest, I was just babysitting today evening 5 hours my squirrels and I�also was babysitting on Tuesday. On Wednesday I went to library and got, like, thiiiiiiiiiiis many books as always. ;)

So, I�was at the squirrels today. It was lovely It has been about two months since I�have seen them last time and they were both sooooo excited�:) I was smiling all the time, they were supercute wanting my attention all the time :) So I�had a great time with them and they were very nice all the time - all good :)


Why must I feel this way
Just make this go away,
Just one more peaceful day

When their parents came home, they had him with them. I supposed all the time that he would be in the military still Well it seems that he got to his day-offs now - somehow I�wasnapos;t expecting that because my brotherapos;s in this weekend.

Well, what can I�even say. He really got my feet shaking and off from the ground :D unbelievable, yes, but totally true I canapos;t even understand how he can get my feet shaking this much with one look - but why not. Now that I�think of it, I think that I have loved him for 3 years already and he always makes my heart beat faster and feet shaking and so on. Gosh. <3



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Finished apos;Mass Effectapos;. Wow - what a game Very much fun. I restarted it and it is SO nifty to be able to keep all the stuff from the prior game. Itapos;s also very useful to be able to reallocate the skill points for allies in one fell swoop [now that I know what skills are much more useful].

Also began apos;Star Ocean, End of Timeapos;. Interesting controls. I like much of what Iapos;ve seen, although the combat will take a LOT of getting used to [active battle = blech] - and whatapos;s with the lack of save points? Very original plot and universe background for the game.
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Ok.. Lets see if I cant sum up the last week as briefly as possible. Because I am known for being straight to the point. Lol.

[Edit: So NOT brief. But really, you canapos;t say you didnapos;t see that coming]

Anywho..

Last Thursday I had an interview for a contracted speaking gig.

Wait.. Rewind. I saw an ad for a professional/motivational speaker. I wasnapos;t going to apply originally but I thought "Hey, I like to talk, why not?" Shocker there. So I submitted my resume of promo work and professional work and didnapos;t think much of it. They responded that day wanting to set something up for later in the week. I went and talked with them. She liked me. Liked my background. Asked a bunch of questions that made me realize I have actually accomplished a lot in the last few years. (Good for not feeling like I have done nothing since graduation) Wanted to see me present so gave me one of their topics to do. Decided I would come back on Tuesday (10-14) to give presentation.

Worked over the weekend on the presentation because thatapos;s how I am. Which means I also was freaking out about presentation because thatapos;s how I am. Lol. Put together about 30 minutes worth of the topic since I was only required to do 15-20 minutes.

Went back on Tuesday. Talked a bit more about the position, pay, travel, etc and then was going to give my presentation. Had to switch rooms for that due to the need for technology. But I got through it despite being hella nervous for some reason. I LOVE talking, it doesnapos;t make me nervous, but have me do it for a grade or to be critiqued and I am a wreck.

But I got through it and she told me she liked it, I was relieved. Of course I figured she would tell me that I was great, but they have other people they want to see and would get to me whenever. Basically dick me around. So when she started talking about what my schedule was, and when can I start, and handing me binders of the talks and presentation/contact info I was shocked. Took SOOOO much to stay composed. Said she would call me Wednesday afternoon to see when I can train with someone.

Wednesday morning she calls me to tell me there is an event in Champaign IL that she wants me to do. Basically learn the ropes on Friday, then run it Saturday and Sunday. Holy hell? Way to get thrown into the deep end. Luckily I know how to swim. Lol.

So this weekend I am going to be in middle/southern Illinois for the whole weekend. It will be good to get a feel for the company and how things work. I am seriously getting paid to talk and interact with people. Wtf?

So wish me luck that this actually works out because it could be a lot of fun. I blame career a.d.d., the need to be busy all the time, trying to find a combination of something that will make me happy AND pay my bills and the fact that Iapos;m in the middle of a quarter life crisis. Lol. Oh well. It happens.

*************

In other news, the ex texted me last night asking if I was around because he wanted to call. I had my angel and devil telling me what they thought. Appreciated greatly. I told him I couldnapos;t talk last night because I was exhausted from trying to avoid a cold and wouldnapos;t have the patience for it, but would be open to hearing what he has to say this weekend if possible. Not that I want to get back with him, but I do want to hear what he has to say. I donapos;t really feel like I "owe" him it, but because of who I am and how I work I am willing to let him say his peace since I said mine. He is a good guy. I could, but wont, fault him for being career focused and so passionate about what he does. We just met at the wrong time. It happens.


I think that is everything. It ended up not being short. I am taking my laptop down with me over the weekend because my hotel has free wireless. WOOt. So I will try and post about how I am handling being thrust into something new and different.

Have a great weekend everyone
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